November 2020 - Here are some more "alternate" product descriptions that just did not make the cut (but who knows, maybe one day one of these will make it to the big leagues!):
The Desert Flower
The desert is hot and sparse. You can't remember the last time you slept, and your water is running low. If only that bastard O’Houlihan hadn't double crossed you, you would be sitting next to a pool sipping a mai tai and wondering how you were going to spend all of that ... but that was yesterday (or a week ago?). As you survey the desert, a lonesome looking camel crests the ridge looking for grass and clump of cacti suck the very last water they can from the ground. In the distance you see something strange - it looks like an an oasis of milk and honey - a land of people partying and looking smooth and sharp. As you approach, you think this must be a mirage and you must be hallucinating from lack of water but as you get closer - the image gets clearer and more refined - WHAT are they wearing that makes them look so fine? Why they are wearing Velomino velour tracksuits.
The B.G (Big Game)
The sun rises over the windswept Serengeti as the lions, giraffes and cheetahs start to stir and begin their day. But not you. You are already up and wearing your Velomino velour tracksuit. You are not there to hunt the big game - you are the big game. And today is your day to dominate.
The NewU
Hey You. Yes. YOU! Treat yourself to a beautiful Velomino velour tracksuit because you deserve it! Wearing a Velomino tracksuit shapes your eyebrows, makes you look 25 lbs lighter and at least 10 years younger.* Do yourself a favor and get one today!
...
* A Velomino tracksuit does none of those things. It does make you look way cooler than 99% of the people around you though.
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